


The Reformation of Evan Buckley

by ALilyPea (alilypea)



Series: Reformation and Relief [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Evan "Buck" Buckley, Christopher Diaz Has Two Dads, Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Coming Out, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:26:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29563266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alilypea/pseuds/ALilyPea
Summary: Buck thought by now he would know who he is, but somehow he keeps surprising himself. Even more surprising is how supportive Eddie is about his coming out, though should it be?
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Reformation and Relief [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2189637
Comments: 89
Kudos: 333





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated to my ducklings. Thank you for supporting me and cheering me on in the writing of this fic. 
> 
> And mostly, bless you to [mykonossalome](mykonossalome.tumblr.com) on Tumblr who sent me this prompt. It grew legs and ran. Thank you so so much. 
> 
> This is only my third ever 9-1-1 fic so please be kind. If you don't like it, that's okay, but let's pretend I don't need to know that.
> 
> **Trigger warning: Does contain talk of biphobia, coming out, police violence, historical raids on LGBTQIA+ spaces**

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/191775090@N04/50960111126/in/dateposted-public/)

Buck had never felt this nervous in his entire life. His palms were sweaty, and his stomach was churning, his legs barely able to hold him upright as he stood outside Eddie’s door. He knew if he wanted, he could just unlock the door and walk in, but this didn’t seem like the time to do that. 

He had come here for a reason, and he knew Christopher wouldn’t be home, though part of him regretted that because the kid’s sunshine and light personality had the way of making everything better. Even on the worst of days. 

The door opened before he could raise his hand to knock, and Eddie peered out at him, one eyebrow arched.

“Is there a reason you haven’t used your key or knocked?” Eddie asked him 

Buck managed a small smile, wondering if his face was broadcasting the turmoil he was feeling inside. Hell, it probably was. Hen had always told him that they could read him like a book.

“I…” He shrugged his shoulders and dragged a hand through his hair, messing up his curls further. 

“Come in,” Eddie replied, worry in his eyes as he stepped aside to let Buck in. “Grab a seat; I’ll get you a drink.” 

Buck nodded and slipped his jacket off, hanging it up on the hook by the door before he made his way into the living room and sunk onto the couch, eyes captured by the pictures he’d helped Eddie and Christopher hang. There were pictures of Shannon, Eddie’s parents, Abuela and Peppa, the 118 and yes, Buck, Eddie and Christopher. 

“I love those pics,” Eddie handed him a beer and sat down next to him, patting Buck on the knee; he squeezed lightly before he let go. “Now, are you going to tell me what’s going on, or do I need to beat it out of you?” He gestured at the game console. 

“As if you could without Chris’ help,” Buck rolled his eyes skyward and sipped his beer, the taste of it curdling on his tongue. He managed to swallow and took a deep breath. “I’ve got something I need to tell you,” the words left his mouth slowly. 

It felt like he was treading water against the waves again, and he looked away, not wanting to see the worry in Eddie’s eyes right that moment. 

“Are you okay?” Eddie asked him, the words hurried. “You had a doctor’s appointment. Did something happen?”  
It figured his best friend, just like he, would go to the worst-case scenario in this situation. He just hoped that they would remain best friends after this. 

“I’m fine, my physical went well, not a mark on me that wasn’t there already, the leg is looking good. No clots,” Buck told him and was thankful for the hand that landed on his shoulder a moment later and squeezed. 

“Okay, good, I’m glad. Did you sleep with my sister?” Eddie asked next.

Buck swung around to look at him, eyes wide. “What?” 

Eddie laughed softly. “You’re acting like I’m going to be pissed, so I figured I’d get that question out of the way.”

“You are a strange man, Eddie Diaz,” Buck laughed as well, some of the tension easing from his form as he did so. “I’ve barely met your sisters. And only one of them is single.” 

“I know; I just figured I’d lighten up the moment,” Eddie told him. “Whatever you have to say, Buck, I’m going to listen.” 

“I’m bisexual,” Buck said, then swallowed; looking down at his hands, he sucked in a deep breath. “I’m thinking about coming out to everyone. I’m safe here, in LA. I want to be me, live as my most authentic self.” 

“Buck,” Eddie said and perched on the coffee table in front of him; tugging him into a hug, he held him close.

Buck held back, closing his eyes, knowing they were shiny with tears; he cleared his throat to make the lump go away and practically slumped against Eddie. 

“I will never hate you for that,” Eddie spoke as though the words were dragged from his throat. “Never, Evan Buckley. I don’t care about anyone who came before you who has done so. And if anyone gives you trouble…”

Buck pulled back slowly and swiped at his cheeks, sniffling. “You’ll beat them up?” 

“If that’s what it takes,” Eddie offered him a tissue. “If you want to live as your authentic self, I’m here to help. We’ll figure it out; if you wish to dip your toes in the shallow end or jump right in, I’ll be by your side. At least for the appropriate things.”

Buck laughed and swiped at his face with the tissue. “Thanks, Eddie.” 

Eddie hugged him again and then stood, clapping Buck on the shoulder. “I’ll order some Thai to celebrate, and we can hit the research train. Who are you going to tell next? Not that you have to.”

“I figured Christopher, Maddie knows. Then the team at our next BBQ,” Buck replied; lifting his beer, he took another sip, glad it didn’t seem to taste so bad now. 

“Oh yeah, Chris will be so upset,” Eddie rolled his eyes and smiled. “He has already learned more about the community than I knew in 20 some odd years of living in Texas. That school is insane, in the best way. He probably has literature for us.” 

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” Buck laughed. “You don’t have to do all this.”

“I’m gonna; I’ll make up the couch later; you can make pancakes tomorrow, and we’ll tell Chris,” Eddie grabbed his cell phone to place their order. 

Buck leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes; he ran his free hand over his face, shoulders slumping as he finally relaxed. He would be okay; Eddie was here for him. The rest of the team would be as well; he just hoped that anyone who did have a problem would stay out of his way. 

———

“But why can’t I go with you?” Chris asked, eyes wide and pleading as he looked at the two of them, hands clenched around his crutches.

Eddie looked at Buck who was ready to cave; he didn’t really need help navigating the scene. He could do it on his own; he just didn’t particularly want to.

“Let’s take a seat,” Eddie ushered them both to the couch and propped himself up on the coffee table.

It was Diaz family real talk time; Buck had sat through enough of them to know. He jerked his head in a nod to Eddie and clenched his hands together in his lap.

“You know how when you were younger, you didn’t like green beans, but now you love them?” Eddie asked Chris.

Buck dropped his head back, resisting the urge to laugh, wondering when he’d reached the point in life where his sexuality was compared to green beans.

September 23, 2018. Most likely. 

“I only like some green beans,” Chris replied, sounding confused.

Honestly, big mood, Buck thought to himself.

“Bad analogy,” Eddie admitted. “The point is, people change; they grow, and sometimes that means they learn new things about themselves.”

“Okay,” Chris nodded like he understood perfectly. 

“I’ve learned new things about myself,” Buck piped up; leaning forward, he turned slightly and looked at Chris, clearing his throat. “I’m bisexual. Do you know what that means?”

Chris nodded his head. “It means you could date girls or boys.” 

“Exactly, but I’m a little nervous, so your Dad is going to help me,” Buck explained. “I’m not used to being open like this, so he wants to make sure I’m safe and comfortable; he’s a good friend.”

Chris seemed to be taking it all in as he nodded and patted Buck on the arm. “If you start dating someone, will you go away?”

Buck bit his bottom lip and shook his head; wrapping an arm around his shoulders, he kissed the top of his head. “Wild horses couldn’t drag me away,” he met Eddie’s gaze and smiled slightly. 

“Good, because you’re my Buck, and if anyone is mean to you, you let me know,” Chris squirmed out of his hold to stand and hug him.

Buck hugged him back and wondered not for the first time what he’d done in this life or the last to deserve the Diaz family. 

“Where is dad taking you?” Chris turned to Eddie.

“We’re going hiking; you can come next time, I promise, mijo,” Eddie ruffled Chris’s curls and stood. “Now get ready; Abuela’s waiting. You don’t want to hurt her feelings, do you?”

Chris shook his head and hugged Buck once more. “Love you, Buck.” 

Buck squeezed him, smiling when he laughed. “Love you too, kid,” he let him go and watched as Chris hugged Eddie then left the room. 

“You okay?” Eddie grasped his shoulder and squeezed lightly. 

“He’s one hell of a kid,” Buck rubbed just under his eyes and sniffed.

“Yeah, God knows how that happened,” Eddie chuckled and tossed his hands in the air. 

“You’re one hell of a guy, Diaz, that’s how,” Buck kicked lightly at Eddie’s ankle as he stood. “I helped too, of course,” he grinned brightly. 

“You’re such a shit,” Eddie rolled his eyes, “Why are we friends again?” 

“Free babysitting?” Buck suggested, feeling lighter now that someone else knew and still loved him. 

“Yeah, that must be it,” Eddie rolled his eyes again, “I’m going to grab my gear; you grab my kid.” 

———

“Hiking isn’t exactly what I think of when I think of the LGBTQIA+ community,” Buck said as he and Eddie walked further along the trail. He definitely didn’t mind; the scenery was beautiful after all. 

“It’s near West Hollywood,” Eddie pointed out. “They have free, free to be you yoga, great views, it’s a great date spot, and we both like hiking. I figured I would ease you in.”

“I’m not complaining; you know I love a good hike; I can’t believe I’ve never been here before,” Buck paused, hands on his knees as he stretched out his muscles. “It’s gorgeous.” 

He could so easily picture himself bringing someone special here, a picnic with the best dishes he could manage to pull together. 

“It is, isn’t it?” Eddie clapped him on the back. “I’m glad you’re letting me do this for you.”

“What do you mean?” Buck asked, taking a drink of his water as they continued on. “You wanted to help, and it’s not like I’m going to say no. I’m scared as hell about all of this. Why wouldn’t I want you to have my back? You’re my partner.” 

“I’ve always got your back, Buck,” Eddie grasped his shoulder and shook him lightly, then nudged him away, nodding at another pair of hikers on the trail. They nodded back and passed, whispering to each other. “You deserve good things.”

Buck glanced at Eddie and then the view around them and grinned. Maybe he did. 

———

“When’s our next adventure?” Buck asked, dropping his book down on the coffee table at the station before he sank into the couch next to Eddie and knocked their knees together. 

“We’re firefighters in LA, Buck, every day is an adventure,” Chim answered instead, game controller in hand though he didn’t look up. 

“I wasn’t talking to you,” Buck shook his head and knocked his knee into Eddie’s again. “C’mon Eds, tell me.” 

“You two are going on adventures without us?” Hen asked as she watched Bobby try to take on Chim in the game of all people. He said he wanted to get better for Harry. “For shame.” 

Eddie lowered his phone and looked at Buck, arching an eyebrow. Was this really how he wanted to come out to the team?

Buck shrugged in response and smiled. Better now than never, right? 

“Friday,” Eddie verbally replied. “After shift, we’re going to The Black Cat.” 

“The Black Cat? As in the Black Cat in Silver Lakes?” Hen caught on immediately; her attention turned toward the two of them. “I haven’t been there in years; they have the best mac and cheese. And some major history.” 

“Mac and cheese?” That got Chim’s attention, and he swore softly as Bobby forced him off the track. “You’ve never taken me there.”

“History? I like history,” Buck straightened up himself. “Should I research it before?” 

Eddie laughed softly, “Can I really stop you?” 

“Well, if you asked me not to,” Buck tapped his chin and grinned. “I could probably resist.”

“You’re taking Buckaroo places he might have to research? Places like The Black Cat?” Hen asked, looking between the two of them. “Is there something you need to tell us, boys?” 

Chim and Bobby’s heads swivelled to look at them as well, and Buck sank back down into the couch, almost shrinking into himself. He managed a small smile for Eddie as his partner grasped his knee in hand and squeezed lightly. 

“Not us, no,” Buck said slowly, looking down at Eddie’s hand and his own feet. “Just me. Eddie’s just helping me out.”

“Buck,” Bobby’s voice was firm but affectionate, almost fond. “You do know that nothing you tell us will change how we feel about you.” 

“Unless you had sex in the truck again,” Chim input, then quieted. “But Bobby’s right.” 

Buck rubbed the back of his neck and took in a deep breath feeling like he was under a microscope. “I’m bisexual.” He closed his eyes and let out the breath, his emotions all over the place. “I think I’ve known for a while, but it wasn’t...welcome before.” 

The couch shifted as someone sank down on his other side, Hen, he could tell just from her scent. She wrapped her arm around him and pulled him in close, her fingers messing with his curls. Two hands landed on his shoulders from behind. Chim and Bobby. 

“No matter who you love, Buck, we love you,” Hen murmured and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “118 always.” 

“She’s right,” Bobby spoke next, and Buck opened his eyes and blinked past his tears, looking at Eddie, who was grinning at him. “You’re ours, kid.” 

“This means Maddie is going to set you up twice as much,” Chim piped up and dropped a big wet kiss on the top of his head when Hen released him. 

Bobby wrapped him in his arms as best he could and grinned when he pulled back. “Proud of you, Buck.”

The alarm rang, and they all scattered.

Buck doubted anything could change how great this day had been so far. 

\------

“Did you actually read up on this place?” Buck asked Eddie as they drove through the streets, traffic, as always a nightmare. He was pretty sure the only time it wasn’t was 3 am on a Monday. 

“A little bit, but I figured you would,” Eddie said, glancing at Buck, hand loosely clenched on the steering wheel. “I thought you could tell me about it.” 

Buck glanced back at him, trying to figure out if he was serious or not. He could never tell out of everyone if Eddie was annoyed by the random facts and figures that he could spout at any given moment, and he didn’t want to annoy his best friend. 

“You sure?” He asked; shifting in his seat, he glanced at the GPS. They still had about fifteen minutes. 

“Yeah, man, tell me,” Eddie replied, shooting him a smile as he shifted gears. “Show off that brain of yours.” 

Buck ducked his head and gnawed at his bottom lip, wondering why on earth that made him feel slightly shy. “Okay, well, it’s a Historical-Cultural Monument as of 2008, and it was built in 1939.” 

Eddie nodded, his eyes crinkling in the corners as his smile widened. 

“It was established in ‘66, you know, summer of love, but it got infiltrated by the cops on New Year’s Eve, and all hell broke loose. They arrested around 12 or so people for public lewdness just for kissing at midnight,” Buck shook his head. “Can you imagine?” He was disgusted at the thought, and it bolstered him to see that Eddie felt the same if his expression gave anything away. “In February of ‘67, there was a demonstration, Steve Ginsber0’s Pride and another group protested the police action.” 

“Wow,” Eddie sounded blown away. “That’s bravery, right there.” 

Buck nodded his head enthusiastically. “Right? They could’ve been arrested or killed, and they still stood up for what they believed in. It’s said this is actually why The Advocate got published, which I just subscribed to; by the way, I’ll lend you some copies. It’s been renamed several times, and now it serves anyone and everyone, but there’s historical photos on the wall we can check out while we’re there.” 

“Thanks for teaching me; we should tell Chris about it; he should know about what came before him,” Eddie told him. “The good and the bad, though we’ll have to soften the blow a little bit.”

“You’d really let me do that?” Buck asked him, warmth growing in the pit of his stomach. 

“Of course,” Eddie replied as he searched for a parking spot. “There’s very few things I wouldn’t let you teach him about. You can’t do math, so that’s out of your hands,” he flicked a look Buck’s way and grinned. 

Buck quieted down, looking at the sign as they passed the Tavern, his cheeks hot. It was a little warm out, even for California, and Eddie refused to use air conditioning in the truck for some reason, insisting that rolling the windows down was good enough. 

“Now, what do you say we get some mac and cheese?” Eddie asked him when they were parked, flipping the visor up.  
\----

“That was seriously one of the best meals I’ve ever eaten in my entire life,” Buck leaned back in his seat, his hand over his stomach as he groaned softly. “Hen was right, that mac and cheese were to die for; she got so pissed when I texted her the picture. I told her I was just giving her and Karen ideas for date night and offered to babysit. Volunteered you too.” 

“Oh, thanks man, I love wrangling three kids,” Eddie laughed and shook his head as he sipped his water. “Jerk.”

“You love it,” Buck nudged Eddie’s foot under the table. “Those chicken wings too, damn,” he murmured, taking a drink of his beer. “We need to come back here again.” 

“If you want,” Eddie shrugged, looking around. “Did you get your fill of the photos? The history?” 

“Never,” Buck stated, grinning as he nudged Eddie’s foot again, loving the look on his partner’s face as he did so. “That’s why we’ve got to come back; we can do lunch and bring Chris.” 

“That sounds good to me,” Eddie admitted and pushed back against Buck’s foot, his leg trembling as he did so.

“I win,” Buck laughed as Eddie finally gave up. 

“Here you go, gent’s,” The waiter dropped their cheque and shot Buck a wink before walking off. 

“Service is good too,” Buck commented. 

“It’s alright, finish your beer,” Eddie told him as he reached for the cheque at the same time Buck did, their fingers brushing.

“I’ll get it,” Buck told him, fingertips warm. Maybe it would be better if he didn’t finish his beer. When had he become such a lightweight? 

“It’s my treat,” Eddie said firmly, opening the cheque wallet and dropping some bills in. 

Buck tipped his head back and finished his beer. “Fine, but I pay for whatever’s next.”

“Whatever’s next is free, so have at it,” Eddie stood up and waited for Buck to pass him.

Buck stumbled slightly as Eddie’s hand touched his lower back as they squeezed through the tables and chairs and grinned when Eddie caught his arm. 

“Christ, Buckley, you can’t drink anymore, can you?” Eddie’s breath brushed the back of his neck as he spoke and then laughed. 

Buck thought about arguing for a moment, but he felt too good to bother. “Maybe not,” he replied, trying to ignore the way his stomach felt. 

Maybe he should stop drinking altogether.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie and Buck attend one of the movies during Outfest and Buck has a surprisingly emotional reaction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised a beach visit and well, Buck and Eddie disagreed. I also thought this would be a light, sweet fic, and well...they disagreed on that too.
> 
> **TW: Buck has a prolonged anxiety attack, stemming from his shitty parents. Sorry, Buckley's, but I do not forgive you**

“You know you really don’t have to do this, right?” Buck asked Eddie for what felt like the millionth time that day as they drove to their next destination. “I mean, it’s been great. The hike was good, and so was the restaurant; I mean, that place was awesome. But this is kind of above and beyond.”

Of course, their friendship had been nothing but different versions of above and beyond, on both their halves, but it wasn’t something he really wanted to point out to Eddie in case it made him skittish.

It was amazing how much of his life Buck spent trying not to scare Eddie.

“I know I don’t have to, but you would do the same thing for me, wouldn’t you?” Eddie asked him.

“Yes, I would,” Buck admitted and glanced out the window as he reached for his drink, his hand briefly landing on Eddie’s on the gearshift. “Sorry.” He turned back and picked up his cup, sipping from the straw.

“Besides, some of these movies are supposed to be really good,” Eddie explained. “It’s been a while since I had adult time.”

Buck grinned at him and wiggled his eyebrows, “Are you saying you want to have adult time with me, Diaz?”

Eddie shot him a glare, the tips of his ears turning pink as he shook his head. “You’re such a jackass, and here I am being so good to you, the best friend in the world, and you’re giving me guff. I don’t know why I bother.”

“It’s because I am, in fact, the best friend in the world, and you are second best, so we’re just meant to be,” Buck explained, taking a big, slurping sound drink from his cup, much to Eddie’s annoyance.

He was just too easy to rile up some days, and Buck just couldn’t help himself. He had been placed here on earth to keep Eddie humble. That, and build Legos with Christopher.

“Jackass,” Eddie muttered again, but there was nothing but fondness in his voice.

“Do you realize we haven’t been to the movies together in about a year?” Buck asked next, trying to remember the last time they’d gone. It was with Chris, he remembered that, but for the life of him, he couldn’t remember what it was they’d watched.

“That’s because last time we went to the movies, you let Chris have his candy and yours, and then I almost had to peel him off the ceiling, and he was so excited he ended up awake until 2 am and then the next day my kid was a monster,” Eddie answered as he swung into a parking space.

“I offered to take him; you’re the one who said no,” Buck finished his drink and climbed out of the truck, tossing his cup in a nearby trash can. “We could’ve had a video game marathon,” he teased as he slipped his coat on.

“The point is to not have him up past 2 am, not keep him awake all night,” Eddie rolled his eyes skyward as they walked toward the building.

“Were you ever a child, Eddie?” Buck kicked at the back of Eddie’s foot playfully and guffawed when he almost tripped, ducking out of the way when Eddie reached for him. “Or were you just born fully formed and grumpy?”

“Yes, that’s exactly how I was born,” Eddie grabbed his jacket and pulled him close, tossing an arm around him. “You’re a hazard.”

Buck settled against him, unable to help himself. He’d find a way to distance himself from Eddie at some point. Later. Before he got himself into further trouble before he could lose himself in these feelings that had been stirring for years.

“I know,” he said simply, shrugging one shoulder as they entered the building, having to separate to do so. He tried to ignore how cold his side felt.

Sitting in the darkened movie theatre with Eddie didn’t help either. The seats weren’t really meant for guys his size, or Eddie’s for that matter; even if they were comfortable to be seated on, they were hell for leg and shoulder room. His shoulder kept brushing Eddie’s, and finally, he settled in, though their knees kept knocking together until Eddie finally let out a huff.

“I’m sorry,” Buck muttered, his bad leg cramping slightly.

“Switch seats,” Eddie hissed and got up, letting Buck move into the aisle seat. “Just don’t trip anyone,” he warned.

Buck sat down, sinking into the warmth left by Eddie; he stretched his leg out, turned, so his body was more in contact with his best friend’s; he found he was finally able to focus on the movie.

He turned further away from Eddie as the lights went up; swiping at his cheeks, he cleared his throat and tried to get a hold of himself. That had been an emotional roller coaster, and part of him didn’t know how to deal with all that he was feeling right then. It had so reflected his life that he wasn’t even sure he would be able to stop crying. He wasn’t sure he would be able to keep himself from sobbing.

“Hey,” Eddie’s voice was soft, and his hand came up to squeeze the back of Buck’s neck gently, the touch momentarily grounding him. “You okay?”

Buck cleared his throat again and clenched his eyes shut; hunching over slightly, he kept himself turned away, one hand over his mouth as he did so. He needed to control himself. He couldn’t do this.

“Is everything okay?” A soft voice came from beside him.

“Is there a showing after this?” Eddie asked in reply.

“No,” The woman answered.

“Could we have a minute? That-uh...it really got to my partner. I’m sorry, I know you all have to clean and everything,” Eddie was apologetic, but his hand didn’t leave Buck’s skin, the heat searing into him.

“Of course,” She replied. “Uhm, here.” There was a rustling noise, but Buck didn’t look up, didn’t open his eyes even as he continued to hear her retreating steps and the sound of a few people still leaving the theatre, their voices sounding so far away.

“Buck,” Eddie’s hand moved, now over Buck’s shoulder, the other falling to his arm. “Buck, please come here.”

Buck didn’t budge, his muscles tensing as he prepared to struggle to get away.

“Evan,” Eddie’s voice grew softer. “Please,” it cracked, pleading.

Buck turned to him and tried to open his mouth, tears trailing down his flushed cheeks as a heaving sob broke through.

Eddie tugged him close, wrapping himself around Buck as though he could protect him from all that he was feeling. “I’ve got you.”

He tried to speak, gripping Eddie’s shirt in one hand; his other clung to his side as he broke apart, his shoulders shaking as he wept. He didn’t know how long they stayed there in the theatre, huddled in those two seats as he tried to pull himself together, but when he managed to take a breath, his throat ached. So did his head. And his eyes.

“Oh god, Eds,” Buck’s voice was a rasp as he spoke. “I’m so sorry.”

“Evan Buckley, don’t you ever apologize to me for this,” Eddie told him, frowning; he fumbled with something and handed Buck a tissue. That had been what the lady had offered him. “Let’s get you cleaned up and get some water.”

Buck nodded, standing on legs that didn’t feel like they would be able to hold him quite yet. He had never been more grateful when Eddie ducked under his arm and helped him into the hallway, to the bathroom where he stood guard outside.

He splashed his face with cold water and took a few deep breaths. Eddie would expect him to explain this, wouldn’t he? Shit, he didn’t even know where he was going to start.

He straightened up, meeting his own eyes in the mirror; he still looked shattered, but at least his face wasn’t still red and blotchy. Eddie was still there when he walked out of the bathroom and handed him a bottle of water the minute he saw him.

“Thanks,” Buck cracked it open and took a sip; the liquid soothing his raw throat, he remained quiet as they walked out of the building and toward the parking lot. He didn’t even say anything when Eddie opened the passenger door for him and ushered him in.

When the driver’s side door shut Eddie glanced at Buck and bit his bottom lip. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” Buck said, the honesty grating at something inside of him he wasn’t ready to confront as of yet.

“Are you...” Eddie swallowed audibly and took a deep breath. “Are you okay to be alone tonight?”

Buck licked his bottom lip and debated. The thought of going back to his place, his cold apartment, with little to no life and too modern design curdled his stomach. “I don’t want to be.” He just wanted to go home with Eddie.

“Okay,” Eddie started the truck and backed out of the space. “Why don’t you close your eyes?”

Buck shifted down in his seat; taking the sweater Eddie offered him, he pillowed his head on it and closed his eyes.

\------

“Buck,” Eddie’s voice penetrated his dreams as he shook him lightly. “We’re home.”

Buck sat up slowly, groaning as his shoulder popped slightly; he handed Eddie his sweater and managed to get out of the truck; stumbling lightly, he leaned against the door when it was closed for a moment. He felt like he’d been run over by a truck.

“C’mon,” Eddie told him, hand gripping Buck’s elbow gently as he led him toward the front door. “Abuela has Chris for the night; she’ll drop him off tomorrow morning. He’ll probably demand waffles or pancakes.”

Buck managed a small smile and nodded his head. “Sounds like the perfect morning,” he meant it too. Spending time with Eddie and Chris, even if it was just for a couple of hours, was like a balm to him. He followed Eddie into the darkened house; making his way to the couch, he sank down on it, elbows on his knees as he covered his face with his hands.

He focused on his breathing, the sound of Eddie moving around the kitchen, anything but the memories which had been stirred tonight. The fridge opened and closed, and Eddie approached, sitting next to him.

“Here,” Eddie put a glass of water on the table in front of him. “You need to stay hydrated.”

“I’d say okay, Dad, but you’ve officially shown me more care in the last hour than my dad has in my entire life,” Buck picked up the glass and took a sip, unsure why he’d even allowed those words to leave his mouth.

Eddie took in a deep breath. “I’m not going to make you talk about it if you don’t want to. I know you said you forgave them, but...”

Buck nodded his head. “It felt like the right thing to do at the time. It felt like something I needed to do.”

Eddie nodded and shifted on the couch. “I always thought you were too good to them, too good for them.”

Buck leaned back as well, his side against Eddie’s, his warmth seeping into Buck’s skin like a brand. “They’re disappointed again; they always are. I’m a hero, but I’m not straight, so that means nothing now.”

His hands shook, and he clenched them into fists then rested them on his knees. “I was an idiot to think that I would ever be good enough for them, that either of us could be.”

Eddie shifted and lifted his arm, wrapping it around Buck; he hauled him close and squeezed. “Fuck them if they can’t see the good that you’ve brought into this world, Buck.”

Buck allowed his head to drop onto Eddie’s chest and closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. “I just want them to love me.”

Clearing his throat, Eddie tilted his head down, his chin pressing lightly into the top of Buck’s head. “You are loved, Evan. You don’t need them.”

That was the last thing Buck could remember hearing that night, as his sorrow and exhaustion swallowed him up. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie has one last surprise for Buck, but no one is all that surprised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has been a labour of love for me, for this fandom, which even if I'm not super involved in, has become to mean so much to me. The writing, the art and everything else is so beautiful, I'm glad to even be a small part of it. 
> 
> Thank you [mykonossalome](https://tmblr.co/mJXljnOT69LTZboE1B2PHkg) for prompting me to write this. I so enjoyed doing it. 
> 
> Thank you to the ducklings and Brit for cheering me on and letting me know I could do this. 
> 
> **TW: Deals with coming out**

Waking up in Buck’s arms was one of the worst things that had ever happened to Eddie Diaz. It was also the best. He was glad that Buck, as he was often one to do, hadn’t left and hidden away until he could control himself better.

The breakdown at the movie theatre had shaken them both, though if asked, Eddie would never admit to it.

It was up there with seeing Buck being crushed by a ladder truck, with seeing him after the tsunami as one of the worst moments he’d witnessed since they’d met each other. Only this had been something he couldn’t bandage up; he couldn’t offer ice to soothe the bruises because they were inside of him.

Instead, he’d offered his arms and reassurances and hoped that would be enough for the man he’d completely fallen for.

Eddie hadn’t intended on telling Buck; he’d intended on supporting him and helping him find someone who wasn’t him. Someone who was unburdened and didn’t have anger issues, PTSD and ghosts hanging around, watching over his shoulder.

But every time he had suggested a place where Buck could take someone on a date or find somewhere where he might find one readily available, it was like his stomach curdled.

Even the slight possibility of Buck leaving him behind, leaving Christopher behind sickened him.

Eddie didn’t think Buck would ever do it intentionally; he loved Chris in a way that only Eddie himself did. He would burn down the world for that kid, who would never ask him to because somehow, despite not being related by blood, Chris had inherited Buck’s sunshine.

Buck would never willingly leave Chris, but he loved with his whole being, and if that were directed at someone else. At kids that were his own.

Eddie swallowed and closed his eyes; the arm he had around Buck’s waist tightening he bit his bottom lip when Buck’s grip on him tightened as well.

“You awake?” Eddie whispered, not wanting to open his eyes and break the spell if he had to.

“Yeah,” Buck answered and lifted his free hand to swipe quickly at his eyes before it also fell to land on Eddie’s body, pressing against his shoulder. “Thank you for yesterday and last night.”

Eddie swallowed, remaining where he was if only because Buck was doing the same. “Don’t thank me for that, Ev.”

Buck swallowed, and there was a smile in his voice when he spoke next. “If we stopped thanking each other for having each other’s backs, we’d come across as terribly impolite.”

“Bobby would be so disappointed,” Eddie joked; lifting his head, he looked at Buck’s face and frowned slightly.

He still looked so tired and weary, more than he should for his age. Those blue eyes stood out vibrant in a face that was too pale, even his birthmark seeming angry.

“Are you okay?” Eddie asked, finally.

“I don’t know,” Buck admitted, wrinkling his nose. “I feel hungover, which makes sense; crying causes dehydration, but at the same time, I feel relieved that I’m finally living a life I should be. I’m not hiding anything or lying to anyone.”

“That makes sense,” Eddie replied, “I’m changing the plan for today, just so you know.”

“I thought you were going to take me to a beach,” Buck stated, shifting until he was comfortable enough to sink back down into the pillows.

“It’s California; the beaches will stay where they are, and if they don’t, more will occur,” Eddie reminded him. “What I have in mind is so much better; it does involve getting Chris out of the house for a little while, though, if you’re willing.”

“Beaches don’t just occur, Eds,” Buck rolled his eyes skyward, but there was a smile on his face, so Eddie decided to count it as a win in his favour. “Yes, real torture spending time with Chris; I don’t know how you expect me to survive that.”

Eddie shook his head and chuckled; finally rolling onto his back, he checked the time. “Chris won’t be home for another couple of hours,” he informed Buck. “What do you want to do until then?”

Buck nibbled on his bottom lip a little bit, eyebrows raised as he considered the possibilities. “Sleep more?”

“I wouldn’t object to that,” Eddie admitted. “I don’t even remember pouring us into bed last night.”

Buck shifted around; rolling onto his stomach, he wiggled over to Eddie, resting his head on his chest, his arm over his stomach. “Is this okay?” His voice was quiet and unsure and so completely un-Bucklike that Eddie was pretty sure he’d say yes even if it weren’t.

“Yep,” Eddie’s fingers dug into Buck’s curls, massaging lightly; he closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep.

\-------

Buck awoke slowly, a small smile on his face as he heard Christopher’s tell-tale giggle and shifted around, pushing himself up off Eddie’s chest. He stretched first, then turned to the kid, smiling wider. “Hey Superman, how was the flight home?”

“I didn’t fly, Buck,” Chris laughed, the grin on his face filling Buck with warmth. “Abuela drove me.”

“Oh, making your way as Clark Kent right now, I see how it is,” Buck said as he got out of bed, just in time for Eddie to begin stirring. “I won’t tell anyone.”

“Morning, Daddy,” Chris crawled up on the bed and flopped on Eddie, who grunted and wrapped him in his arms.

It took everything in Buck to not crawl back into bed and cuddle them both. It wasn’t his place to do so. He rubbed his chest as though he could make the ache there go away.

“You and Buck had a sleepover?” Chris asked his Dad, head on his shoulder.

Eddie yawned and nodded. “Yep, we did, and we knew it might make you feel bad, so you’re going to spend the morning and part of the afternoon with your Buck.” He smiled sleepily when Chris cheered like he’d just won a prize.

“There’s something secret going on we don’t know about,” Buck perched on the edge of the bed, curling one leg up on the mattress. “Your dad is plotting,” he pretended to be disappointed, frowning deeply and dramatically.

“Dad wouldn’t do anything mean to you, Buck,” Chris assured him, kissing his dad on the cheek before he scooted over and kissed Buck’s as well. “Let’s go make breakfast,” he grasped Buck’s hand and pulled.

“I guess I’m making breakfast,” Buck told Eddie, pretending to be aggrieved about the situation, but he loved getting to make the Diaz boys breakfast. It made him feel more like he was part of the family, a line of thought he figured he really should do away with soon. Eddie was so supportive and wonderful about everything, and he just thought his friend must be getting sick of having to be his backbone.

Eddie walked into the kitchen just as Buck was putting the plate of pancakes on the table along with the butter and syrup. “Smells delicious,” he told Buck, clapping him on the back before he settled in at the table.

Buck smiled a little and nodded his head, “It’s my secret recipe, you know, you’ll never get them from anyone else but me.” He nearly shook his head at himself as he sat down, making sure they all had drinks, juice for Chris and coffee for him and Eddie. “So, where do you want to go today?”

Chris paused for thought as he was pouring syrup on his pancakes, getting some on the table as he did so; he muttered an oops as he continued.

Buck leaned over and wiped up the mess. “Anywhere you want, kid, the world’s your oyster.”

Eddie shook his head, “Nothing expensive.” He pointed his fork at Buck and glared playfully.

“I said, the world’s your oyster, Buckley money has to be good for something, what do you want, Chris? A new car?” Buck asked, much to Chris’s delight, who laughed.

“I can’t drive,” Chris pointed out, shaking his head.

Buck grinned at him, feigning surprise. “You mean you’re not sixteen? You’ve gotten so tall,” he exclaimed, shoving a piece of pancake in his mouth. “How long do we have?”

“A few hours, I’ll text you when you’re allowed to return,” Eddie replied, typing on his phone.

“We’re being kicked out,” Buck whispered to Chris dramatically. “Where should we go?”

“Dino hall,” Chris told him, stretching his arms out. “I want to see all the big ones.”

Buck nodded and would deny if anyone asked how excited he was to get to go to Dino hall when given the opportunity. So at one point, he wanted to be a paleontologist; what kid didn’t? “That sounds amazing.”

“One of Buck’s favourite places,” Eddie acknowledged. “Good job, little man.”

Buck’s smile widened, unable to help himself; it touched him that Eddie also knew it was one of his favourite places to go.

“We’ll take pictures by the mosasaur,” Chris informed Buck, bobbing his head in a nod.

\------

Buck loved getting to hang out with Chris, and while today was no exception, his mind kept falling back on the day before. The way he’d cried while Eddie held him together, keeping his pieces from falling away.

He didn’t know anyone else who might do that for him except for Maddie, sure, the 118 was family, but none of them got to see as much of them as Eddie did. Even Maddie.

He should have felt embarrassed that he had so thoroughly exposed himself and his vulnerabilities, as well as insecurities.

Something had changed, and he couldn’t figure it out. It felt like something in Eddie had altered and opened up, but he couldn’t dare begin to think about what it could be, not wanting to get his hopes up.

Eddie’s secrecy as he and Chris had gotten ready for the day hadn’t really helped either. Something was going on.

When the two had returned to the Diaz house, Buck had been surprised to see the driveway and the street in front of the house packed with cars. Vehicles he definitely recognized.

His surprise grew when he approached the house and saw a brightly coloured pride flag hanging there.

Chris tugged on his hand, smiling up at him. “Let’s go in; everyone is waiting.”

“You know what’s going on?” Buck asked, surprised. He’d barely left Eddie and Chris alone for a moment, and the kid wasn’t usually so good at keeping secrets.

Chris bobbed his head in a nod; opening the door, Buck smiled when he heard the familiar voices. He followed Chris into the house and stopped when they reached the yard.

There were decorations everywhere, rainbow flags and lights strung up around along with other LGBTQIA+ flags, and in between two trees, a banner hung.

 _‘Congrats on Being You, Buck’_ was painted out on the paper, causing a lump to catch in his throat.

Eddie bounded over and wrapped him in a hug. “Happy coming out,” he held him close as Buck clung to him and trembled lightly. “I called our family together to celebrate.”

“Our family,” Buck said, his voice choked as tears slid down his cheeks, and soon he was engulfed in hugs from the 118, from Athena, Josh and then finally Maddie. “This is amazing.”

“It was all Eddie,” Maddie told him. “Though the banner was all of us,” she smiled up at him, leaning into his side as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “We all love you, Evan, and we’re proud of you.”

Buck swiped at his cheeks and laughed softly. “I’m...this is amazing.”

“Eddie told me what happened, what mom and dad said,” Maddie took a breath. “I’m not going to see them again.”

“You can’t do that, Mads; they’re our parents, your family,” Buck protested; turning to her, he could feel the guilt sinking in, threatening to choke him. He didn’t want to take her family away from her.

“You’re my family; Chim is my family,” Maddie leaned up and kissed his cheek. “Our family is all right here, loving and supporting us no matter what.”

Buck held her close and breathed in deep when she stepped away, returning to Chim, who pulled her to him without even looking, the motion instinctive.

“Come sit,” Eddie appeared at his side, handing him a pink solo cup filled with some kind of punch and gestured to one of the lawn chairs.

Buck made his way across the lawn and sat down; looking at Eddie; he shook his head, still shocked and amazed his best friend had gone to such lengths.

“Eddie, how can I ever thank you for this?” He gestured around, loving the sight of everyone laughing and talking. The kids were running around with face-paint on their cheeks, Chris having insisted on matching his Buck. “This is beyond...”

“This is the first thing I should’ve done,” Eddie told him; reaching out, he touched Buck’s arm, almost hesitant before his fingers wrapped there. “The hiking was nice, so was the restaurant, and the movie was good, even though it opened up something inside you and me. Something I think we both tried to avoid. But this should’ve been step one, celebrating with our friends and family. Especially since it’s about you.”

Buck blinked quickly, trying not to cry; he met Eddie’s gaze and covered his best friend’s hand with his own, squeezing. “I loved it all.” _I love you_ he thought to himself, sniffing back tears.

“I know you did,” Eddie told him, smiling. “I did too, getting to spend time with you like that, seeing you open up in a way I’ve never seen before, see you so sure in your own skin. Ev, you’re beautiful.”

“Eddie,” Buck warned, his heart pounding in his chest. He couldn’t get his hopes up; he couldn’t get hurt like this. Not by Eddie. He wasn’t sure he could withstand it.

“Your parents don’t know what they’re missing, but I do,” Eddie continued, a focused, intent expression on his face. “I’ve learned it because of the thought of you hiking in that spot with someone else, going to the Black Cat, going to that movie...” He shook his head. “I can’t stand it, the thought of it, of someone else having you, of you raising a kid with someone else, of you, leaving us.”

Buck sniffed, and he was definitely crying, unable to believe this was happening. It felt like his chest had opened up, and every emotion he’d ever felt seemed to be building. “Eddie...Edmundo Diaz, are you asking me to be your green bean?”

Eddie laughed, his own eyes shining with tears as he looked back at Buck and licked his lips. “Yes, Evan, I’m asking you to be my green bean. The only one I love.”

Buck reached out with his free hand and tugged him close, kissing him deeply and messily on the lips until he could settle. His hands gripped Eddie’s shoulders, holding him close as he got his first taste of him. Punch and the sweetness of icing and love. God, he loved this feeling so much. He got lost in the feeling, Eddie’s arms surrounding him, warming him more than the sun ever could.

When he finally pulled back and looked at Eddie, the grin on his partner’s face nearly blinded him. “I love you too,” he whispered; noticing the silence, he looked over at their gathered family, who were all watching.

None of them seemed surprised at all.

It was Chris who broke the silence, a big grin on his face, “I have two dads!” He exclaimed before making his way over and hugging them tightly.

Buck closed his eyes and hugged both of them back, tears slipping down his cheeks; he couldn’t believe how good this felt, how right.

Somehow, his pieces had reformed around him and around Eddie, around Chris and everyone he loved. He felt whole again.

He felt loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know leaving comments can be daunting. If you liked this, and enjoyed reading it, even leaving a little 💛 in the comments can make my day.


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